Soooo… Guess who didn’t quite get her full week of posts done? Me. I have a good excuse though… I fell asleep. Then, I decided to take a brief break because exams were coming up, and my soul was in jeopardy… Or at least my academic standing… I guess they aren’t really the same thing…
But guess who just fought her way through exam week? Again, it’s me.
And seriously, I did those exams LIKE A BOSS.
Forewarning: I’m about to get super braggy and super nerdy at once.
I feel like I just slayed a dragon.
I feel like I could go out hunting Jaws and I wouldn’t need a bigger boat. I would just use my super brain powers to get him to follow me back then harpoon himself.
If I could, I’d go up to Harry Potter right now and say, “You killed Voldemort? Saved the world? Didn’t die? No big deal. I got 94% on an AP Bio exam! What now, Boy Who Lived?!”
Same with Katniss. “You lived through two death rings? Saved a country from oppressive rule? Whatevs! I lived through 4 days of mega-tests. I saved myself from being a bum. You, Katniss?! You. Have. No. Friends. They all died! Good job with that, Miss Mockingjay!”
I could kill some zombies right now! Remy King? Pfft! She can’t beat me! She can’t even keep it in her pants! I throw a guy at her, DONE. I WIN! Cheating ain’t cheating if it’s the apocalypse seems to be her motto. Off topic! Back on track to my braggy self!
I feel like I could go all ninja- NO! I feel like I could go all assassin Caelena Sardothien someone up in he-yah! I feel like my references are so awesome, you’ll just ignore the bad parts! Like that “he-yah!” Seriously! That was bad! My fingers are crumbling from typing that horrid string of characters!
But, Imma keep goin’ ‘cuz I got a million of these!
Kaidan Rowe? Get yo drumsticks! I’m challenging you to a drum off. I’ve never even seen a real drum set, but you know what? I’m gonna own you!
Alexandria Andros, Miss Apollyon, Can’t-say-what-I-was-about-to-because-it’d-spoil-the-ending? Let’s go hunt some demons, girl! I can go buy a titanium garden spade. While we’re at it, let’s go wakey-wakey-eggs-and-bakey us some Titans!
Imagine Dragons? “That’s where my demons hide?” I don’t have any hiding demons! I just slayed ’em all!
I could show up Sicarius right now! (Props to all y’alls who got that one!)
Really, Lorde? We’ll never be royals? Because I’m pretty sure I just got that status!
I can’t believe I’m about to say this… I can’t believe I’m going to bring this wackjob into my rant… But, I could take down Miley freakin’ Cyrus right now! I’m pretty sure I could turn her into a normal person! Do you understand what a big deal that is?!
That’s like getting Godzilla to hug you. That’s like retaining control over an army of lions and tigers and bears. Oh my! That’s like convincing someone that ripping out your nails is a good plan. That’s like … No…. *sigh*… Ooh! Ooh- no… Or… No… I can’t find the perfect analogy. It’s just dangling right out of- NOPE! I got it! Wait for it…. Wait for it… One more “wait for it”…
That’s like getting the government to work properly.
OOOOOOOOOOW! No she didn’t! Yes. I did.
(Please, government don’t come after me, I’m just a teenage girl if you couldn’t tell by the plethora of YA book references. I don’t even know what agency would come after me. Would it be the CIA? The FBI? The NSA? Would you just send a bunch of ninjas? Would it be the ZWX? That should totally be an agency. Everyone would go around saying, “did you hear about the zwoox?” Yes, that’s how it’d be pronounced. And it would stand for… Zebra Walrus Xylophone. Just kidding, that’s ridiculous. That’s totally gonna be a band now that I’ve said it. What about… the Zambomba Waldgrave Xiphoid agency? You want to know what they would do? They would monitor the transport of sword shaped instruments (Xiphoid) by German nobility (Waldgrave) in Spanish drums (Zambombas). ZWX. Just wait. It’ll happen.)
Well… that got out of hand. I was planning on actually talking about other things. This was going to be a real post. I was planning on stopping after Jaws, but… it just kept pouring out of me, and I figured, eh, someone might get a kick out of my crazy.
For all my fellow students, hope you laid the smack down on your exams, too!